No Buy Week 1 – Money Makes Me Uncomfortable

Weekly Breakdown
Debt Starting Amount: $29,082.87 
Debt Current Amount: $28,795.54
Total Debt Paid Off: $287.33
Total Savings: $0

Money makes me uncomfortable.

I am impressed by the number of “feelings” that I am experiencing, right from day one. The biggest one is discomfort, which I both like and dislike feeling. I dislike the feeling of discomfort because, well, to state the obvious, it is uncomfortable. But I also like it because it is my inner self being responsive and engaged, it simultaneously feels empowering and alive. And deep down I recognize that every time I experience discomfort, I explode with growth as a person.

I also immediately feel doubt. I don’t stick to “challenges” well. I am unsure of my level of inner motivation as opposed to my ability to hyperfixate on the things that I find of importance. (And yes, I know about SMART goals and other strategies, but they don’t translate well to neurodivergent brains.) I am worried that no one will engage with this journey, which takes away from the accountability. I am worried that I will be unable to hold up my end of the bargain. And I don’t mean having a temporary slip up, but that I will just stop doing the no buy at some point, without any good reason.

Why I Can’t Save Money

I first made this discovery about myself earlier this year, as we were wrapping up our annual family trip to Honduras. In the last day or two of the trip, I realized that I had only spent somewhere between half and two thirds of my discretionary funds. I had several hundred dollars left over! When I initially realized this, I had so many thoughts and emotions. First, I was confused. I never had money left over from a trip, so I was surprised to have pulled it off. It also made me question if something had been different this trip, but it was essentially the same.

I couldn’t stop asking myself the question: “what the hell I had been spending my money on all of these previous years”?!

As I tried to settle my overall surprise and confusion, I then started thinking about what to do with the money. I toyed with whether I left it in the same category and rolled it over for next year’s trip. Or, I could use it towards some of my debts. Or I could even re-allocate it to different parts of my budget. All were valid options and there was no timeline for me to decide, so I knew I had time to sit with it. But as I sat with it, over the matter of hours, I became more and more distressed. I felt very uncomfortable and I was very aware that I was becoming dysregulated. I knew this was a bizarre reaction to be having, but at the moment I could not figure out what was causing this shift. What resulted was something that I knew I should not have been doing while it was happening, but I felt compelled and unable to stop – and I spent it all.

That is the moment that I realized the reason I struggle to save – having money in my account makes me uncomfortable.

My Money Diary

So, one week down – did I spend any money? Inspired by the Refinery21 Money Diaries, I broke down my spending day by day.

*This first post will be a little longer to account for the posting schedule

Thursday (9/5) I had a doctor’s appointment and had to run some errands. I left the house at 12:30, and then after my doctor’s appointment stopped by Target to pick up an order ($7.96, these were grocery items, so part of our household shared budget). While there I checked their Starbucks to see if they had put out the Black Slime Cups early, no luck. But I felt so awkward not buying a drink, and had to force myself to walk away. Buying a coffee is on my allowed purchases list, but I genuinely did not want anything to drink at this time, so it would have been ridiculous to purchase something just because I “Felt bad” towards a corporation??? 

I then stopped at the bank to make a payment towards one of my debts ($100 due to be paid off in November!). The entire drive home I was starving because I missed lunch, and I really had to keep repeating to myself “ you have food at home, don’t buy anything.” 

Lastly I purchased a 2025 Passion Planner ($62.62). This has been my go to planner for the past 4 years, and today they launched their new planners. This did come out of my discretionary spending, but was a purchase that I was already planning on. Daily total: $170.58 (Breakdown: $107.96 was pre-set expenses, not part of my discretionary spending)

Friday (9/6)– I was at home all day (I am on maternity leave until October 1st, so no need to spend money). Daily Total $0

Saturday (9/7) I got a text from my cousin in the morning and we made impromptu plans to meet up for lunch. She treated! But more than anything it was so nice to have some one on one time with her to catch up, and also to get out of the house by myself for a couple of hours. We visited this amazing local pizza place that you should visit if you are every in Cleveland. That evening, the entire family went to a birthday party, where I found out there are way more flavors of White Claw than I realized, and my daughter enjoyed collecting every rock she could possibly find. Daily total $0

Sunday (9/8)  Sunday is our weekly thrift store outing. Even being only a few days into my no buy, the experience thrifting was so different – but in some ways more enjoyable. Clothes are off the table, as well as books and media, so that knocked out whole sections that I didn’t even bother looking at. Limiting my budget also made me question a bit more about how much I really wanted an item. I ended up leaving with 3 items, one of them being an amazing black Fossil Satchel bag, with the perfect amount of being “worn in.” I spent a little bit over my weekly $20 (because I forgot about tax), but I allot $40 for the two weeks, which is based on when I get paid, so I still consider that within budget. It just means that I have less to potentially spend this upcoming weekend. Daily Total $29.00

Monday (9/9) Home all day Daily Total: $0

Tuesday (9/10) Home all day Daily Total: $0

Wednesday (9/11) Had some friends over for dinner and they picked up Nepali food from a local restaurant, and Crumbl cookies for dessert. Both company and food were amazing, and I am reminded of how much I love having people in our house. My husband and I split our portion for the take out. This comes out of my “eating out” budget, so allowed. Daily Total: 28.00

Thursday (9/12)  Home all day Daily Total: $0

Realizations During My No Buy

Now, whether or not I am at home doesn’t guarantee if I will spend money. I have binged impulsive purchases both while running errands and while browsing online. But overall, week one of my no buy has felt like a success. I do notice that I am utilizing more mental energy on the front end right now. I am scrutinizing my budget more on a daily basis and I am trying to think more critically when I do have a purchase to consider.

Hyper-focusing on my budget and finances has been a superficial way of “tricking” my brain into feeling like I am in control, especially when life happens. But, my long term desire is to reach a point where my thoughts about money are minimal. Other than a 5 minute daily check-in to update YNAB (my ride or die budgeting app), and occasionally thinking about any budget tweaks or savings goals, I don’t want it to consume too much of my time and energy. I want to be able to spend knowing that I have the funds available, and that my spending is intentional. I want to no longer have to worry about interest on credit cards, borrowing from my husband, or scrambling to put together the money I need for important events like planned trips or birthday presents.

Let’s Share in The Journey Together

Are you doing a No Buy or have you done one in the past? What questions or feelings did you experience during your journey? Share in the comments or send me a message – I’d love to hear from you! And be sure to read the first post in this series, to see why I am doing a No Buy and what my rules are.

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*This post’s audio will be available soon